(this is mike)
I’m on baby patrol while Mer works and the nanny takes the week off. Good times. Aside from Meg falling on her noggin at the Matthew’s beach playground, no one wanting to nap, no access to the car that has carseats, and everyone having a particularly screamy afternoon, it’s not been that bad. We made banana bread AND monkey bread, and there were some super cute moments. I managed to get one on tape that I’m pretty proud of. Such good kids.
Warning — if you are not interested in hearing the details of pee and poop, then stop reading now. But if you’re like me and want all the sordid details, then here we go.
(this is Meredith) So as you may have heard, we are doing some half-assed…….no pun intended……..potty-training in the Bland household. This was not the plan. The plan was to wait until they were two and then start. But about a month or so ago Megan started coming up to me grabbing her butt and saying “Boo? Boo? Boo?” She actually wanted me to change her. And then she started letting us know before she went poop. So I thought, no time like the present. Let’s do this.
Meg sat herself down on the potty and never looked back. The girl is obsessed. Ben could not care LESS. I offer him the potty, and he says, “Truck? Car?” and runs away to play. Fair enough. No pressure here.
Megan, however, could sit on the potty all day long. And I mean this. All. Day. Long. As long as she needs to pee. If she needs to poop, she would rather squat right next to the potty and do that on the floor thank you very much. I don’t get it, but nothing will make you a pariah in college like pooping on the floor so I am sure we will get that sorted out eventually.
And here’s the amazing thing about Megan and peeing. She is a small little girl who appears to be composed of 80% pee. We cannot figure out where it all comes from!! She will make a good sized pee, we dump it, come back, she gets back on the potty and manages to squeeze out another teaspoon of pee. Which she is very excited about because we get to go dump it again. And then we come back. And then she sits down again and — lo and behold — out comes another teaspoon of pee. She can do this for HOURS.
And it is all about The Flush. The Flush is the big reward. A lot of books warn you not to flush your child’s “products” in front of them because it will traumatized them. Not these kids. Every teaspoon of pee, Megan and Ben (who is just as excited about Megan’s pee because he can participate in The Flush) start going “Fla? Fla? Fla?” Everybody wants The Flush. Mike and I have had to start letting them know that there will be no flushes until there is a decent sized amount of pee once we started flushing 5 times in 15 minutes. Time to introduce the old “if it’s yellow let it mellow” philosophy.
Potty training is just as hard for me and Mike as it is for Meg. We see her running around, bare bottomed, and all we want is to get a diaper on her. We have to keep reminding ourselves that no diaper is actually the goal, here. Mike is terrified. He doesn’t want to pick her up when she’s bare-assed because he’s afraid she’ll pee on him. Whatever. Megan vomited in his mouth once……….I am pretty sure the man can handle a little pee.
So we’ll see how this goes. We are just kind of taking it day by day and following Megan’s lead. But I have to say I hope this wraps up sooner rather than later. I had no idea how boring it would be to sit in the bathroom with my child while she squirms around on the potty singing to herself and laughing and asking me for another square of toilet paper that she can gleefully toss into the toilet. Oy.
Got to go. Ben has put the baby doll in the potty.
We went to a holiday party tonight at our good buddies, the McCartys. We got to get all dressed up in swanky outfits bought by Grandma Norfolk and Aunt Stephanie.
Couldn’t you just eat them with a side of cool whip? I could.
On a related note, Mike and I taught the kids to “raise the roof” today when listening to the old school rap channel. We are very, very proud.
Hello, this is Meredith. Today was an especially screamy day. So in order to remind myself of why I don’t give them to gypsies, I needed some super cute pictures.
Wearing Daddy’s sweatshirt:
Our new favorite book — The Potty Train. Chugga chugga poo poo!
A lovely father-daughter portrait. Oh, Megan.
Some quiet reading time. In a box.
That is one fashionable lady.
Boy in a window!
Megan fell in love with my snow globe. This is the day before she smashed it into a billion pieces. Glitter does not come up from hardwood floors easily, FYI.
Megan picked the hat to go over the Christmas pajamas.
Ben wanted to put on the fire truck rain boots instead of his shoes. Here he is trying hard to pull a switcheroo.
Could she be any cuter? No. No she couldn’t.
We can cross another public place off our list of places to take the kids. This includes antique stores, stores selling rare species of fish, and the Lusty Lady (those aren’t from experience, just educated guesses). Mike and I will not be taking the kids back to Safeway for a long, long time. We thought it was a fluke, but the past three times we’ve gone it has been the same nightmarish experience. Let me tell you how the trip went today.
We get the kiddie car cart, and sit Ben and Megan in the car. Everybody is happy. Wheeeeeeee! We get into the store and within about 30 seconds everybody wants out of the cart. Ben wants to ride up top and Megan wants to walk. Then Megan wants Mama to carry her and Ben wants to walk. Then both of them want to walk and neither of them want to hold our hands. Then Megan is on Dada’s shoulders and Ben is holding his hand while Mama is trying desperately to maneuver her enormous kiddie cart minus kiddies around the store, running and back and forth between aisles to pick up items we missed on our first run through. Of course, our children are screaming, crying, and throwing themselves on the floor during all of this. Yep, we were “those” parents in the grocery store. The ones you look at and say, “sooooooooooo glad that’s not me”. At one point, Mike was at the end of the aisle holding Megan’s hand one one side and trying to lift a crying Ben off the floor with his other hand, and told me to go ahead and get in line and they’d meet me there. It was very “Last of the Mohicans.”
Finally we get in line and Mike says, “Hey, why don’t you take them down to the car while I check out.” To which I said, “Hell yes” and got out of there. Unfortunately, I had to drag Ben with me because he thought we had finally had enough of Dada and were leaving him in the grocery store. Me, the girl, and the boy wailing “Dada!” as we charged out of the store. Awesome.
When Mike got into the car, we decided that that would be the last Safeway run with the kids for a while. On behalf of Mike, I would like to say that the Terrible Twos can suck it.
Hello! This is Meredith.
Grandma Norfolk and Aunt Allison came into town for Thanksgiving and quite the time was had by all.
First we went to Swanson’s Nursery on Wednesday, where they promised reindeer, a camel, and a miniature donkey. And boy did they deliver!
Dasher and Blitzen!
Ben was a big fan of Curley the camel. Megan, not so much. She made a face like she just smelled some bad cheese and stayed as far away from him as possible.
Curley, meet Ben. Ben, meet Curley.
Then we saw their miniature train exhibit which was a HUGE hit with Benjamin Bland. He kept saying “Choo choo!” the rest of the time we were there and brought us back a second time before we left!
The train! The train!
The kids LOVE their Grandma, and really got attached to Aunt Allie very quickly. They loved holding their hands and walking through Swanson’s together!
Family walk
We also visited Swanson’s Koi pond, which the kids thought was very cool and Mama thought was very creepy.
Hello, Koi!
On the ride home, I gave Ben my sunglasses to play with, and he decided to wear them for most of the trip. That is one smooooooth cat.
A star is born.
Megan also fell in love with Aunt Allie’s coat, and held onto the collar whenever we were in the car.
I love you, coat.
We got a Thomas the Train trash can from Grandma and Grandpa Bland, and Megan thought it would look good as a hat on Grandma Norfolk.
Buckethead.
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Hello all! This is Meredith.
Just putting up some more cute pics of the kids (you’re welcome, Aunt Stephanie). Ben’s words have taken off. We say all sorts of two syllable words now! Panda, tractor, penguin, basically any word you say he will repeat back. Ask him to say “flamingo” sometime. It’s hilarious. “Fwaweegah”. 
Megan has started to show, how do I put it, an interest in potty training. So that is our new mountain to climb. I bought the kids some books about how freaking awesome it is to go in the potty and we’ll start actively encouraging this after Thanksgiving. God help me and my poor gag reflex.
Here is what happens when Dada plays with Ben.
Meg’s hair is finally long enough to put into a ponytail.
This girl is so cute it gives me a heart attack.
Thanks for the new shirt, Grandma Norfolk and Aunt Stephy!
Ditto!
Whenever I say “Elmo” Megan thinks I am saying “Elbow” and starts pointing to her elbows.
Yes, Internets, those are my underpants. Whenever we fold laundry, Megan likes to put my underpants over her head. This time she got on three pairs AND a bra. And I thought that was picture-worthy.
Ben wanted to get in the picture.
He also wanted to wear Dada’s shirt.
Soon Meg joined in. It was like a visit from the Lollypop Guild.
We have our first two syllable word!
Tonight, clear as a bell, Ben said “Panda”!
So for the record:
First words:
Ben — “Cat”
Meg — “Ball”
Two syllables:
Ben — “Panda”
Meg — ………………………..time will tell!
(this is mike)
Sometimes I just don’t understand exactly what is so funny. They sure were cracking each other up.
Sorry for the horrible lighting. I just grabbed the camera and worked with what I had.
The whole fam-damily
Today was our now annual trip to Swanson’ nursery for their Fall Festival. All of our twin pals planned to come in costume, but sadly everyone else’s twins had already reached their quota on costume time, so we were the only suckers there dressed up! We brought a change of clothes, so after some time being completely adorable, we changed.
The kids had a heck of a time going through the Hay Maze, eating popcorn and hot dogs, and then racing like bats out of hell through the nursery while we begged them not to pull the leaves off of $200 Japanese Maples.
Puppy Dog and Dada
Hay Maze
Peekaboo
Ben on the run
Unstoppable
See you next year, Swansons! When we’re two we’ll be able to do some REAL damage! 
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