My husband made an observation the other day that was so astute, it rocked my world.
Lately the kids have been getting what we call, “The Crazies”. That’s when they start joking around with each other till they are laughing so hard they can’t breathe, and nothing we say to them will calm them down. The words, “penis”, “poop”, “weiner”, “butt”, and “vagina” get thrown around and then combined with any other word that comes to mind — it’s like Mad Libs, but you can only use those five words.
It’s not that I am anti-joy, but the crazies tend to come at inopportune times. Like at the grocery store. Or at bedtime. Or any other time that Mommy is just not in the mood for that shit.
There is absolutely no getting through to them when they have The Crazies. They are lost in a fog of giggles and names for their genitals.
I said to Mike, “I mean, it’s nice that they’re getting along and all…….but god damn. I don’t know what it is about this that makes me so frustrated!”
And Mike said, “You now what it is? It’s like being the only sober person at a party.”
DING DING DING!!!
I have written a little dialogue below. Read it, and tell me if it is about a person and their 4-year-old, or a person and their drunk friend.
Person 1: “Okay, buddy. Time to go home.”
Drunk or 4: “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!”
Person 1: “Yup. I think we’ve had all the fun we’re going to have before things turn tragic. Come on. Lets head out.”
DO4: *blows a raspberry*
Person 1: “Right. Ok. Let’s get — hey! Give me the car keys!”
DO4: “Poopy.”
Person 1: “Dude, you can’t drive. Give. Me. The. Keys.”
DO4: “Vagina butt!!!”
Person 1: “Uh-HUH. Real mature. Now come on, we need to go home.”
DO4: “Why? So you can wipe your vagina!?”
Person 1: “Oh my god. You know what, you’re just embarrassing yourself at this point.”
DO4: “I need to go potty.”
Person 1: “Fine. Let’s find the — DUDE!!! You have to keep your pants up till we are actually IN the potty! You can’t just whip out your junk the instant you need to go!”
DO4: “SAW-REEEEEE. I’m hungry. I want some Booty.”
Person 1: “Look at me. Look at my face. You need to get it together. Now.”
DO4: “Potatoes!! Potatoes in the mouth!!!”
Person 1: “Jesus Christ.”
Pile of Babies 